Tips to pick friends at workplace

By Charu Sabnavis

‘People with one friend at work are likely to find their work interesting. And people with at least three close friends at work are 96 per cent more likely to be satisfied with their life’, reports Tom Rath in his book, Vital Friends: The People You Can't Afford to Live Without. With professionals spending majority of their time at work, friends at workplace have become an important part of professional and personal lives. You need someone to share your joy and sorrows... don’t you? And yes, of course complain against you boss! Well for all this, you need someone whom you can confide in - a friend. So how do you strike the cord?

Win a friend

Surveys have shown that people continue to be at organisations despite odds because of friends and camaraderie. So how do you make friends? It is an art that comes naturally to some and needs to be cultivated by others. Friendships emerge from careful observation and awareness of group dynamics at workplace.

Your behaviour at work will help you win or lose friends. “You can win friends and gain influence by observing and being tolerant,” observes Emily Post, an etiquette guru. As a new entrant you need to be at the observation post. Just sit back and observe. Who are the live wires whom everybody gravitates to? Who sounds warm and friendly? Who seems to have fallen out of favour and why? Who is to be avoided? While you are observing the environment, you too are being observed. People would try and gauge how easy it would be to get along with you. How would your presence impact their work load?

People like to connect with those who are capable, helpful and conscientious - team players in a nutshell. Those who keep the gossip windmills moving fall out of favour.

Talk sense

Try and identify people with common areas of interest, as this would give you a ground for striking a conversation and building a relationship. Try and be reasonably well informed about subjects of general interest. Brush up on topics that are the talk of the town - e.g. the popular TV soap operas, the latest in Hollywood and Bollywood, music concerts, best selling books etc.

Remember people generally gravitate towards those who are well informed, witty and have a sense of humor. This is not to say that all this can be engineered in a day. One needs to inculcate the habit of being abreast with what’s happening around.

Tread carefully

Do not be too hasty in acting upon your observations. Be amiable towards everybody in general. Extend your hand and see the response. If somebody responds with positive vibes, move forward and work on building the relationship. If somebody is distant and standoffish, beat a hasty retreat.

Hierarchy prevails even in the so-called flat structured organisations. People at the same level form natural groups. Don’t aim at affiliating with a group that is at a level above yours. Just because a senior has been friendly, does not mean that you ask him out for lunch the next day. You may be in for a disappointment. It is the senior person’s call to make the first move and you need to fall in line.

Give it time

Try and associate with people in your peer group. Don’t rush the friendship. It will come to fruition as you strike the right cords during the course of working together. Don’t ask intrusive questions or relate your life story early on in the relationship.

Don’t appear too keen either. If most of the effort towards building the relationship is from your side, you will always be a junior partner. It’s best to meet half way for a balanced relationship.

Match office culture

It also helps to evaluate the culture in the organisation. Is it laced with formality and stiffness, or is it sociable and informal? Do people meet over coffee or a drink outside work hours? Also introspect to evaluate your own personality. Remember that the organisation will not fall in line with your approach. You need to forge relationships within this cultural framework. Don’t adopt too casual an approach in an environment where things are formally laid out and refrain from being too rigid in a sociable set up.

One cannot work in isolation, meet and greet office colleagues to make work fun. Friendships give meaning to our existence. Besides making the work more engaging, friendships at work can develop into life-long associations and it is worth investing time and effort in nurturing such relationships.

10 Tips to connect effectively

Look for like-minded people

Identify common areas of interest

Connect effectively

Identify positive vibes

Behave well, talk sense

Be amicable and helpful

Use wit and sense of humour to your advantage

Spend time together after office hours

Reciprocate, nurture relationships

Build a long-lasting bond, remember to keep in touch even if you are not working in the same office.

(The author is Senior Manager, Training with Morgan Stanley. The views expressed are personal.)

Source: The Economic Times, 1st May, 2007